


We're not who we used to be

by Adillard



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Friendship, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adillard/pseuds/Adillard
Summary: Michael is working on trying to figure out if he and Alex love one another, and aren't just acting on old habits.Meanwhile, the group works on bringing Max back.*Title is from the song Two Ghosts by Harry Styles
Relationships: Isabel Evans & Alex Manes, Max Evans/Liz Ortecho, Michael Guerin & Alex Manes, Michael Guerin & Liz Ortecho, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 5
Kudos: 105





	We're not who we used to be

“What’s going on over here?” Michael asked, humor in his voice as he looked from Alex to Isobel, both laying haphazardly across various pieces of furniture, the smell of alcohol thick in the large living room.

“Drinking, obviously,” Isobel slurred, annoyed. 

“It's 1 in the afternoon! What’s the occasion?” Michael asked, still very amused at the sight of them.

“That’s funny coming from you,” Isobel started while at the same time Alex said, “Didn’t know we needed an occasion.”

Michael chuckled and picked up an empty bottle of tequila from the floor next to Alex and scooped a handful of used lime slices into his hand from the coffee table. He shook his head and disappeared into the kitchen, returning with 2 bottles of water. He put one in front of Isobel and walked to stand above Alex, holding the other bottle for Alex to grab from him. Alex grunted in response and turned onto his side so that his face was buried in the back of the sofa, his shirt lifting to expose his back.

The bottle of water he had set in front of Isobel went flying across the room and Michael turned to watch it hit a wall. He raised his eyebrows in both amusement and annoyance, sticking his tongue into his cheek to keep from reacting. “Oookay, then.”

“God, Michael, just leave us alone to wallow in self-pity,” Isobel groaned, throwing an arm over her eyes.

“Wallowing in self-pity? Isn’t that a party I can join?” Michael asked incredulously. 

Alex groaned in response. Isobel sat up rather suddenly, fixing a glare on Michael that made him wonder if she could turn him into a pile of ash. 

“Seriously, Michael? Someone that you trusted to take care of you, someone who was _supposed_ to love you, hurt and violated you in ways that you can’t even understand?”

Michael put his palms out, defensively, and shrugged. He shook his head. “No.”

He knew that she wouldn’t be this harsh if she were sober, but he also knew that she was right. Isobel and Alex could understand each other on a level that others couldn’t. They needed one another. They had both been through hell, yet they both remained warm and loving and caring of those they loved. They both held blame and guilt for things that they weren’t responsible for, that they had no control over. And yet they were so strong that they didn’t let those things cripple them.

Isobel made a sound that indicated her point had been made and she turned herself, laying back again with her eyes closed.

“You both have people that love you, though, you know?” he said hesitantly. 

“Yup,” Alex barked at the same time Isobel said, “Got it.”

So Michael left quietly, ordering them a pizza to be delivered so that they would at least eat something. 

* * *

  
He had considered going back to his Airstream to do his own wallowing. Given that he had gone to Isobel’s in the first place to talk to her about his breakup with Maria, and obviously that hadn’t gone how he’d planned, he called Liz and met up with her at his bunker. After Max’s death, knowing that the hospital was in no rush to rebuild her lab, she had set up shop in his bunker. He didn’t mind because, after his 3 week bender of deep depression and drunkenness, he spent most of his time helping her in the lab anyway. 

Liz was 6 vials deep into a new version of the serum they’d been developing to increase his and Isobel’s powers by the time Michael got there. She didn’t even look up when he walked in, instead remaining focused on what she was seeing under the microscope and throwing him a, “Maria called.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and screwed up his face. “Yeah, figured she would.”

Liz finally looked up at him, her face soft. “You okay?”

“I’ve been better,” he admitted. “But I’ve also been worse.”

Liz nodded, slowly. She offered a small smile. “She just…Michael, even if Maria didn’t read people as well as she does, she still has eyes. And that’s all it takes to see what’s happening with you and Alex.”

Michael shook his head. “No, no, that’s not really fair. There’s _nothing_ happening with me and Alex. We’re friends.”

Liz raised an eyebrow, giving him a face to let him know she wasn’t buying it. “Really.” It wasn’t a question.

“Alex and me…when he first got back, it was like we were just…the ghosts of who we used to be. I think we loved the 17 year-old versions of each other.”

Liz stayed quiet for a long time, letting that sink in. “How often did you see each other while he was away?”

Michael shook his head and looked off to the side, not able to meet her eyes. “Every couple years when he was on leave. But, it felt like stolen time. Not real life.”

Liz nodded, starting to understand. “So you just aren’t sure that who you love is _Alex_. The man who he has become. And you don’t think that who Alex loves is the 29 year-old genius Alien cowboy that you are, now.”

Michael didn’t answer, but the look on his face and the slight shrug was answer enough for her. 

“What if you’re wrong, Michael? What if you have fallen in love with the Alex of now? Are you even letting yourself try?”

If it were anyone else, Michael could blow them off as not _getting it._ But it was Liz. And she and Max understood what it was like to fall in love with someone from high school all over again. She understood loving someone who had been wrapped up in events that ultimately caused you pain. If he was going to listen to someone, it was going to be Liz Ortecho.

“Have you talked to Isobel about any of this? Or would it hurt your pride to let someone know that you got dumped?” Liz asked, humor in her tone.

Michael chuckled. “Yeah, went there first. She and Alex were _wasted_.”

Liz’s eyebrows shot up in question again.

“Self-pity party. I wasn’t allowed to join.”

Liz laughed. “They deserve it. They can just be bitchy and sassy with each other and leave the rest of us out of it.”

Michael laughed, genuinely. She was right. Isobel and Alex were sassy, but once they were together they fed off of one another’s bitchiness. It was usually funny, but just on this side of annoying. He wouldn’t have guess they would become best friends, but really he should have. They were perfect for each other. 

“Okay, focus, I have a new idea. I was able to isolate this piece of your DNA. I was looking at the way it reacts to acetone and I think I can figure out how we can get a serum to react to this specific gene in order to enhance yours and Isobel’s powers, just for enough time to bring Max back. What do you think?” she asked as he stared into the microscope. 

“Shit. I should’ve let you lead,” he said, deeply impressed. 

She grinned. “Go grab another vial. Let’s get started.”

* * *

  
“Half Hawaiian, half Supreme, huh?” Isobel asked over the phone the next day.

“You’re alive, so you must have eaten it.”

“We were impressed that you knew our favorite pizza orders.”

Michael chuckled. “Well then the bar for good impressions is set pretty low, don’t you think?”

“Nah, I think it’s set just right,” Isobel said and Michael could hear her smile.

“Liz and I worked on something different yesterday and I think we might be onto something this time, Iz.”

She was quiet for long enough that Michael pulled the phone away from his ear to make sure the call was still connected. When she did speak, her voice sounded small.

“How much longer do you think?”

“I think this week sometime we can try it out. And if it goes okay, we can try with Max by the weekend,” Michael told her.

“Michael,” she said.

“I know, Iz. I miss him, too. But I really think we are close to getting him back.”

* * *

  
It was nearly 10 at night when Michael pulled up to Alex’s cabin. He had been psyching himself out for hours. But he finally just bit the bullet.

He could hear the dog bark when he knocked. The porch light flipped on and he felt his stomach clench when he heard the lock flip and the door open. 

Alex was still dressed in his jeans and shirt with an unbuttoned flannel over top. His hair was a mess and his eyes were tired. His brow was furrowed in confusion as he registered that it was Michael at his door.

“Wha- Guerin?”

Michael just smiled nervously in response. “Gunna offer to let me in, Airman?”

Alex shook his head to clear it and then stepped away, opening the door wider to let Michael in. When he did, Alex closed the door behind him and then just stood there, staring at Michael like he wasn’t real.

To be fair, Michael had never been out to the cabin. Alex had always come to him.

Michael stopped in the middle of the living room, 1 hand in his pocket, the other holding a 6 pack of Alex’s favorite IPA. He turned to look at Alex. “Want a beer?”

Alex looked at the 6 pack and then back up at Michael and shrugged, clearly still confused, but trying to go with it. He motioned toward the back patio and Michael started in that direction.

Michael sat down at the fire pit while Alex grabbed some wood to get the dying fire to liven up again. When he was satisfied with the fire, Alex sat in a chair facing Michael. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, looking directly at Michael.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re here?” Alex asked.

Okay, then, apparently just straight to the point. Michael took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. He rubbed at the back of his neck again and tilted his head to the side as he met Alex’s eyes. “We’re gonna try to bring Max back. Tomorrow.”

Alex nodded slowly. “So I’ve heard.”

“Izzy?”

“Kyle,” Alex answered.

Michael couldn’t help the fact that his eyes rolled and his face turned sour. “Of course. Because you two are just best buddies, now, right? The dick puts you through absolute hell when we were kids and now, suddenly, he’s all grown up so he’s forgiven for everything?”

Alex shook his head and looked at the fire and the desert. “I’m pretty sure a high school bully is the least of my lifetime of trauma, Guerin. And people can change. You just have to be willing to see it.”

_Shit_. Michael’s breath caught. He swallowed, trying to get better control of his anger. He didn’t come here to fight. “How can you be sure that you’re allowing yourself to see it? How can you know that this new version of yourself is interacting with the new version of someone else? That it’s not just the ghosts of who you both used to be, drawn towards one another but no longer for any real reason?”

Alex was looking at Michael again, his brows furrowed. He had leaned back in his chair, his hands grabbing the arms of the chair. He was clearly taken off guard. “What exactly are you asking, Guerin?”

Michael shook his head slightly and his eyes softened. “Music and sex was all we used to need, Alex. We barely talked but it still felt like I was more connected to you than anyone else I’d ever met.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah,” he said in almost a whisper. 

“But now, it’s like we’re totally freaking disconnected. It’s like we need _more_. Except my body is still drawn to you. Even though it doesn’t feel like enough.” He was pretty much out of breath at this point, probably from adrenaline. He knew there was a crazy look in his eyes and he could feel the tears threatening to fall. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at the fire for a minute, before turning back to Alex, trying to get his breathing back to normal.

“I’m trying to ask you,” Michael continued, his voice breaking slightly, “how do we know that this is _us_ wanting to be more and not the ghosts of us that are acting on habit?”

The look on Alex’s face was the same one he wore at Caulfield and it kind of wrecked a piece of Michael to see it again. 

“Is this because Maria broke up with you?” Alex asked, his jaw tight.

Michael rolled his eyes and shook his head, huffing out a breath of irritation. He shook his head, glaring at Alex. After a minute, Alex started talking.

“When we were 17, I felt connected to you and understood by you and for the first time in my whole life I felt _loved_ , Guerin. It wasn’t about what you were like, it was about how you made me _feel_.” Tears had started to fall down Alex’s face, but his expression was still solid, his eyes still focused. “No matter how much you have changed and I have changed and our circumstances have changed, you still make me feel safe. And loved.”

Michael blinked a few times and his jaw tightened.

“We’re not who we used to be. And that’s okay. I don’t know how to answer your question for you, Guerin, but I can answer it for me. This version of me has watched the world try to bring you down. And this version of me has watched you survive it and become stronger in spite of it. And _this_ version of me has fallen in love with you and with every version I’ve gotten to see of you since I was 15. The only ghosts here are the ones that wreak of the tragedies my family has done to yours. And those aren’t going anywhere soon.”

There were actual goosebumps on Michael’s arms and the back of his neck. That was maybe more than he’d ever heard Alex say. And he didn’t really know how to respond. He looked off to the side, needing to break the eye contact for a minute, and took a swig of beer. 

“You’re not Jesse, Alex. No version of you, past or present, is Jesse Manes.”

Alex huffed out an unamused laugh. “Right.”

Michael shook his head and reached a hand out to put on Alex’s knee. “Alex,” he said, almost demanding and desperate. 

Alex met his gaze, his heart pounding. 

“You are kind and loving and _good_.”

Alex swallowed hard, his face screwed up in a way that let Michael know he didn’t believe his words.

“Isobel told me you had a hard time believing the bad things about the people you care about,” Alex said through more tears.

“So you think I just don’t blame you for the shit your family has done to mine because I love you?” Michael asked, incredulously. When Alex only lifted his eyebrows in response, Michael shook his head again. “No. If that’s what you think then you’ve only got part of it right, Alex.” 

Alex’s dog whined at his feet, breaking Alex’s focus until he looked down at her, patting his lap so that she could jump up. Michael scooted back in his seat, again, removing his hand from Alex’s knee. He wiped at his face and took a deep breath.

“I think maybe I should go,” he announced, being shaken from the moment. They both had a lot to think about.

Alex’s shoulders sagged and he wouldn’t meet Michael’s eyes as he nodded. “Go, then.”

Michael could have taken the cheap shot and pointed out that it was Alex who had a tendency of leaving, but he kept it to himself and stood up, walking through the house and out to his truck.

* * *

  
They did it.

They’d stood in the cave, quiet save for the wind outside, and Liz had taken turns shooting the serum into each of Michael’s and Isobel’s arms. Kyle had stood nearby with acetone and some small medical supplies. After less than 60 seconds, the power in Michael and Isobel had started to surge. 

Liz coated her hands in the liquid silver and pulled out Max’s body, laying him down, with Michael’s help, on the blanket they had set up. Isobel and Michael knelt on either side of Max and shared a look before lowering their hands on his chest and channeling as much power between them as possible, focusing it on Max and his heart.

And not 2 minutes later, Max had taken a strangled breath and Isobel and Michael had been flown against the walls in an intense release of Max’s energy. Kyle ran to them, checking that they were okay as they both rubbed at the backs of their heads. 

Max was alive. 

But 5 minutes later, after vomiting and trying to catch their breath, both Isobel and Michael had passed out cold. Kyle and Liz worked to get Max into Liz’s car and then hauled Isobel and Michael into Kyle’s before they drove to Max’s house and unloaded the 3 siblings. Max had calmed down more after checking to make sure his brother and sister were still breathing and otherwise okay before he went to grab a shower. Liz had bit her thumb nail down to the quick, nervous about what was happening. 

Kyle got the 2 aliens settled on the couches and gave them a quick exam. He told Liz that he thought they needed to just sleep due to the energy surge it took to bring Max back. He suggested she go to Max and make sure he was okay. It didn’t take too much convincing. 

6 hours later, when there was still no movement from Michael or Isobel, Kyle called Alex.

* * *

  
He knew something was wrong. He was stuck in this light blue world that he assumed was his own mindscape. He knew it had worked, because he had seen Max take a breath before they’d been thrown. He had felt his body give out when he had finally passed out. But that was a really long time ago. Right? It felt like hours and hours had gone by. When and how would he be able to get the hell out of here?

_Michael?_

It was Isobel. He couldn’t really hear her, per se, but he knew she was there. He looked around. There she was.

_Where are we, Iz?_

_In your head. I woke up, but you are still passed out. Figured you could use some help._

_How do I wake up?_

_Just will it to happen. Also, in case it helps, Alex is here._

_How does that help?_

Isobel rolled her eyes. _I’m in your head, Michael. No use lying._

_You said to move on from the past. I tried._

_I was wrong, Michael. I didn’t understand. He’s amazing and he’s strong and he loves us. Especially you. And he deserves for you to love him back._

The next thing he knew, he was waking up on Max’s couch, Isobel kneeling over him. She put a hand on his cheek and kissed his forehead. 

“Welcome back,” she whispered and he couldn’t help but smile.

She helped him sit up and there was a commotion of Liz and Max alternating giving him a hug as he stood up. And then they cleared. 

And there was Alex, standing in the living room, hands at his sides, face looking wrecked. And Michael realized that Alex was wrong. He _had_ actually answered Michael’s question for him last night. Because there was no doubt that his heart and his body would be so fully drawn to that man if he wasn’t completely in love with _this_ and every version of Alex Manes.

“Alex,” he said and he knew that his voice and his face was giving everything away. Because he had gone completely soft for this man.

Alex swallowed, his eyes wet, before he met Michael’s gaze. And that’s when Michael heard the echo of words past. 

_I don’t look away, Guerin._

_You are mine._

_I shouldn’t have left you behind._

And Michael closed the distance and his hands wrapped around Alex’s neck and he kissed him with everything he had left. 

And when he felt Alex’s hands come up to his shoulders to pull him closer, Michael’s chaos finally quieted.


End file.
